RINK WRITE-HERB SMITHERS

The Opium Den...

DATING WOES! HOT TEMPERS! and...MORE GIRL CHAT!

MY SISTER AND DATING SITES

When last heard from my sister (see the previously posted “Girl Chat! Email! High-Voltage Strippers”) she told me the at first exciting, but ultimately disappointing, story of a secret admirer who had sent her flowers. Since then, she has resorted to trying several of those “meet a mate” websites, but alas, the results have been disappointing, as her most recent email explains…

I just don't understand why people say they meet these great guys online. The few encounters with men I’ve met I have been pitiful. The last guy did not look at all like his picture. He was ugly as sin, had coke bottle eye glasses, a pitted face and he acted gay as hell. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he didn't recognize me from my picture. My reply was, “That picture was only taken two weeks ago, and the mole on my cheek was clearly visible and didn’t grow overnight. So exactly what part of that could you not recognize?” After an hour of listening to him babble about himself, I did what any respectable girl would do… said I was going to the bathroom and slipped out of the bar. You know that Dr. Neil Warren from eHarmony.com? He’s the one who does all those stupid radio ads about how successful his site is. Well I’ve got three words for him… go fuck yourself. Anyway, I figure I’ll just cut to the chase from now on, so I updated my profile in the hope that it will weed out some of these idiots that have been responding…

1- Are you an asshole?

2- Do you have more baggage then what you’re allowed on a domestic flight?

3- Are you married?

4- Do you have less teeth in your mouth then a 3 year old?

5- Do you wear a turban?

6- Do you have the use of all your limbs?

7- Do you have more hair on your neck, back and shoulders then you do on your head?

8- Are you strapped with excessive child support payments due to your inability to keep your dick in your pants? How many women call you Baby Daddy?

9- Have you ever been institutionalized or convicted of a felony?

10- Are you over 40 and have never been married?

11- Are you a gay man in search of a woman to show to your parents, thus proving that you’re not queer, and therefore deserving of the family inheritance?

12- Are you ugly as hell, but insist that women find you attractive?

13- Do you collect unemployment compensation?

14- Is your penis a half an inch smaller than your pinkie finger when fully erect?

If you answered YES to any ONE of these questions, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN YOU? DO NOT email me, IM me, or contact me in any other manner. I am sure there are many female losers out there, who would love to hear from you, but… I AM NOT ONE OF THEM!

JUST A LITTLE TEMPREMENTAL… (FROM THE NORTHWEST INDIANA TIMES):

A woman attending anger management classes became irate during a Wednesday morning class, threatened to kill a classmate, then went out to the lobby and broke several other items, Valparaiso police said.

Teresa Prenderville, 32, was arrested on charges of intimidation and criminal mischief, after police received a disturbance call Wednesday morning at Porter-Starke Services.

The specialist in the meeting room told police a 26 year old man walked in and asked Prenderville if the seat next to her was taken. Prenderville immediately started yelling to the man, "You try sitting here and I'm going to bust a cap in you and send you to heaven."

Prenderville is accused of repeating the threat several times, causing the man to become visibly shaken and start crying. She is also accused of threatening another client before storming out of the room where she then grabbed a ceramic display ornament from a lobby counter and threw it across room, where it broke against a wall. The staff member stated that Prenderville then punched a second display case at the front door, smashing the glass.

Police reports state Prenderville does not have a mental disability or illness, but does have a behavior problem. Police said she had to be placed in a restraint chair at Porter County Jail after she was taken into custody.

MORE GIRL CHAT

When we last left Annie and Sasha, they were discussing talking dirty during sex, Sasha’s love life (or lack of it), and how Russians don’t use vibrators. The saga continues….

Annie: How’s it going?

Sasha: Not too good. It was not a good day.

Annie: It was beautiful today. The sun was out, it was nice and warm. How could it not be good?

Sasha: It should have been good day. Mike said he wanted to take me out.

Annie: Well that’s good.

Sasha: I thought we would go to a movie and have fun. But he took me to his mother’s grave instead.

Annie: WHAT!!!

Sasha: He said it would be nice.

Annie: Nice to spend a Sunday at a cemetery? What the fuck is with that?

Sasha: And then he wanted to drive my car. He said it is more ‘comfy’ than his.

Annie: The idiot needs to be ‘comfy’ to go to a graveyard?

Sasha: He didn’t even bring flowers.

Annie: Flowers for you or his mother?

Sasha: For no one of us.

Sasha: And I didn't have much gas, so he put back exactly like the same amount he used to take us.

Sasha: I felt insulted.

Annie: What a cheap fuck!

Sasha: And then I wanted Starbucks because I was tired, and he wouldn't buy it to me, so I had to. And I bought a cookie, and then he wanted half of it. And he eats it.

Annie: Why do you put up with this???

Sasha: I don’t know. I am really starting to hate him.

Annie: Then break it off for Christ sake. Why torture yourself with this dick?

Sasha: I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.

Annie: You say, look fucker, you grate my nerves, you’re cheap, you make me pay for my own Starbucks, and then you eat my fucking cookie!

Sasha: I wish I could say that.

Annie: So just say it! Oh, and don’t forget to say you wanna use my car and then you won’t even fill the tank, you cheap prick!

Sasha: All guys are idiots. I need to be pampered. There is no one for me.

Annie: Oh fuck that. I’ll pamper you. What do you want?

Sasha: Grow a dick!

Annie: Well I can't grow a dick… I don't think… but I can help ya find one.

Sasha: How? Vibrator talk again. I don’t think so. Not for me.

Annie: I was thinking you should go out more, or look online or something.

Sasha: Yes, I will go online and look there: looking for a rich, smart guy with a large hard dick... that is a must! But that probably will get me no one, too.

Annie: Maybe you should go gay. Find a girl. Or in your case, a rich girl!

Sasha: Oh please! Same shit.

Annie: A rich girl with a strap-on is the same as rich guy with a hard dick.

Sasha: You have mental problem. You’re ungangable.

Annie: Is that a Russian word? Ungangable?

Sasha: I mean unchangeable.

Annie: No, I'm just horny.

Sasha: Hahahahaha.

Annie: Ok, so there’s no rich man with a large dick in your immediate future, and you don’t want a rich girl with a strap-on. That means I will have to get ya a vibrator now.

Sasha: I told you before, no vibrator.

Annie: Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ohhhh, that feels good.

Sasha: No, no, no.

Annie: Hey, you need a good orgasm… or maybe a couple of dozen… before your head explodes.

Sasha: I want real man.

Annie: Well we’ll pretend it’s a real man. I’ll name it Bob. Battery Operated Boyfriend! And introduce you two.

Sasha: You’re crazy girl. Ok, we see. I think about it. Or maybe we’ll call it Buzz.

Annie: We’ll call it Buzz? So now you want to make it a 3-sum?

Sasha: Haha.

Annie: Are you turning gay?

Sasha: Get out of here!

Annie: Are you trying to have sex with me?

Sasha: What???

Annie: It sounds like you want to try Buzz and me together with you. And you know what that leads two… two girls and one Buzz.

Sasha: No, no.

Annie: Are you a pervert?

Sasha: What is pervert? I don’t know. Am I?

Annie: I hope so. I like a perverts.

Annie: Like a kinky sex maniac. You’ve gone from not wanting a vibrator to now wanting to do things with me and Buzz. But that’s cool.

Sasha: No, no!

Annie: Let me think about it a little more though. Ya know, I’ve never seen you naked. Take a pic for me to help me decide…

Sasha: Stop!

Annie: …and I’ll get back to you on it in a few days.

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