RINK WRITE

Hello to you!
Herb's News and Views

Hello to you, ladies and gentlemen, and all the ships at sea! Summer is heating up and so is the news, so without further ado I bring you...

THE HIGH PRICE OF GAS: British office worker Theresa Bailey, 43, was awarded the equivalent of about $10,300 by a court in Ashford, England, after she complained of sexual harassment by her otherwise-all-male direct-marketing team at Selectabase company. Among the "laddish" behavior was her boss's regularly "lifting his right ass cheek and expelling gas in her direction."

POOP-PATROL: IT'S A SHITTY JOB: This summer in New York City the Department of Sanitation has more than doubled the amount of tickets handed out for people leaving their dog's shit for others to enjoy as it bakes in high temperatures. Sanitation Commissioner John Doherty excitedly explains how culprits get nabbed: "It's difficult to catch them, especially when it's dark. It's not until you get close and see a steaming pile that you know, 'I've got this guy.'"

DON'T FORGET THE SUN SCREEN AND TOWEL-HEAD! The U.S. military operates a beachfront vacation site for its personnel worldwide and their families at the Guantanamo Bay detention facility, with $42-a-night air-conditioned suites, surfing, boat rides, golf course, bowling alley and even a gift shop. One T-shirt for sale reads, "The Taliban Towers at Guantanamo Bay, the Caribbean's Newest 5-star Resort." News of the facility was not widely reported until a British lawyer who represents 28 of the nearly 300 detainees housed there described it. How about a little water boarding fun with the family?

I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS: Police in Fort Myers, Fla., were called to Royal Palm Exceptional School in April and wound up arresting an 8-year-old boy named Deshawn for punching his female teacher in the face, leaving several bruises. Said Deshawn's defensive mother: "He gets very upset, and he loves to hit, but if he was overpowering her that much, I feel like she shouldn't be in that line of work."

SHIT-ASSED DEAD DRUNK: Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him. Tammy Jean Warner had been indicted for negligent homicide in the May 2004 death of Michael Warner, 58, but the Brazoria County District Attorney's office said the charge was dropped for lack of evidence. Warner, 45, had been scheduled to go to court next week for a trial that had been reset six times. At the time of Warner's indictment in 2005, police claimed the woman had given her husband two large bottles of sherry, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas. Warner admitted administering the enema but denied she caused the death of her husband, who was a machine shop operator. The incident occurred at their home in Lake Jackson, near Houston. She told the police that her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in that manner.