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HOW TO BEHAVE

Where did we go wrong? It seems like a bazillion years ago, but I actually grew up in a time and place where people said such mundane things as “please” and “thank you”. Adults used to say things like “pardon me” and “excuse me”, and actually understood what that meant. We picked up our mess and didn’t leave it for some other poor slob to do. When driving, we “stayed right”, except to pass, which we did briskly and courteously, of course. It was a world where motorists dimmed their lights at the approach of oncoming traffic, and actually stepped out of the line at a cash register if all their purchases or money was not in order so as not to hold up other shoppers. We were taught to believe that what is right for whole, is best for the many. Yes, I may be describing some long lost “la-la” land where in actuality life was just as bleak and brutish as it is today. But, goddamn it, we went through the motions of civility. If not, there was always some cop or middle school teacher handy to box your ears for you.

The main problem is that today there are just so many more of us. We’re becoming like insects that climb all over each other with each oblivious to the next. We’ve lost all sense of “harmony”. We see the Japanese as ridiculous with their bowing, and overblown demonstrations of manners and politeness, when in fact they “get it”. In Tokyo they really are climbing all over each other like insects. Politeness, manners and an underlying duty to “the common good” are the only things that stand between those little fuckers and homicide!

Like I was saying, when I was in grammar school part of our curriculum always included a section on “civics”… how a community works, how government works, how to be a good citizen and neighbor. As corny as it sounds, they tried to teach us “how to behave”.

More to the point, many of you all-important, self absorbed, self-centered scumbags at large are really starting to piss me off. Most of you are rude, pompous, over-inflated, mean spirited ass-clowns. You and your shitty little kids are always in my way and grabbing for more than you deserve. You’re a drain on the rest of us, and we’re tired of it. “Wow, that’s harsh”, you might say. Yes, it certainly is. “Who the hell are you to judge?”, you may ask. Somebody has to judge, it might as well be me. Go fuck yourself. “Who lit the fuse on his tampon?”, you could ponder. You did. In the words of the famous existentialist Frydrich Nietche, “I’d enjoy nothing better than to beat you like a circus animal”. So get the knot out of your boxers and read on. You just might learn something.

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