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EDMOND
Reviewed by Lt. Skip Skipperson
Directed by Stuart Gordon
Written by David Mamet
Forget “Borat”, “Blades Of Glory”,
“Meet The Robinsons” and all those one-laugh movies that
flood the theatres. For a real laugh a minute
side-splitter that will please both children and adults,
check out a DVD copy of this truly hysterical masterpiece.
William H. Macy, who is funny just to
look at, stars as Edmond, an unhappy corporate shmuck, who
goes home one day and tells his wife that he’s leaving her.
Out the door he goes, and so begins a wild, roller-coaster
night of great slapstick comedy and fun.
First up is a comical encounter at a
bar with Joe Mantegna, who goes into a raucous commentary on
black basketball players, pussy, power, getting fucked,
pussy, religion, and pussy-pussy-pussy. Mantegna then gives
Edmond a business card with the address of a strip
joint/whorehouse on it, telling him it’s the place to
get pussy-pussy-pussy.
Macy heads over to the joint, where hot
little Denise Richards (Dad’s, this is one of several
moments that you’ll want to pause the flick to take a
“Kleenex break”) is willing to screw him for $200. Edmond
must be a Jew, because he tries to negotiate the price of
admission to Richard’s pootie. All then seems to be leading
to pussy-pussy-pussy, until Edmond is told that he has to
buy her a drink first (it’s house rules) for $50. Jew-boy
Edmond flips out, claiming that it’s “too much money!”.
Back on the street again, Edmond gets
caught up in betting on a game of 3-Card-Monte so that he
can win enough money to go back and give Richards the high
hard one. In an uproariously funny scene where Edmond
accuses the two colored fellas of being cheats, they drag
Edmond into a dark alley and beat the living shit out him
before stealing his wallet!
Edmond is busted and bruised, but he
still must have a stiff pickle in his pants, because he then
goes into a pawn shop to hock his wedding ring. Of course,
the shop is run by a fellow Jew, and this leads to another
bust your gut scene as the two Kikes bicker about what the
ring is worth. Naturally, the Jew with the money wins
out, as usual, and Edmond winds up with a measly $80...
certainly not enough for Denise Richard’s
pussy-pussy-pussy... but enough for Edmond to buy a nice
knife that he spots in a display case, and rent a cheap
hotel room for the night.
The comedy just keeps coming now.
Edmond proclaims, “That’s too much money!” at every fleabag
hotel he goes into, and he uses his new knife to stab a
Super Fly styled pimp in the throat when Edmond is almost
ripped off again while resuming his search for, what will
now be, discounted pussy. Then he meets a cute waitress in a
coffee shop where, after a discussion of their mutual
dislike of faggots (she hates them because they don’t like
women, Edmond hates them because they suck cock), the
waitress brings Edmond back to her place and screws him
silly... for free! But of course, being the bitch that all
women are, the slutty hash-slinger wants Edmond to leave
after they’re done, so Edmond whips out his knife again and
slashes the rude mannered ‘ho to ribbons (haven’t we all
been there before, guys!)
Edmond is soon arrested, probably
because by now he’s walking around the city, looking like
he’s been hit with a few mortar shells since he’s drenched
in blood, and the end of the movie shows him in prison,
where he’s now the buddy/wife of his big, black buck of a
cellmate (I thought I heard a muffled “That’s too much!”
every time his roomie shot another “wad” into Edmond’s
Jew-boy “tight-wad” heinie).
If your family is anything like mine,
you won’t want to pass up this heartwarming comedic tale of
murder, debauchery of every kind, and prison rape.
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