| TAXI'S LIL' SQUIRTS | OPIUM DEN | MEET HERB SMITHERS | JUNK TRUNK | ABOUT |
|
THE BROTHERHOOD OF PICKLEHEADS The
story of the Brotherhood Of Pickleheads is a part of history
that, alas, has been sadly neglected and is becoming
increasingly forgotten, which is unfortunate due to the fact
that that the roots of this fraternity, accord It was in Wiesbaden, Germany, circa 1700, that visionaries such as Hans VanBeerten, Gustave Heidle, Adolph Gubberman, and numerous other pickle producers tinkered with, and eventually perfected, the recipes that produced the most delicious and beloved pickles in the country. Although some may scoff that any idiot can toss a cucumber into a jar filled with water and salt brine, these master craftsman, referred to properly as The Pickle Masters by local villagers, would meet in one or the other’s pickle cellars nightly, and with their feet resting atop the wooden barrels as the mixture within fermented, consume vast amounts of German lager while drunkenly discussing the art of pickling until well past dawn. And if on occasion one of the masters was unable to hold in his belly wash and ended up vomiting into one of the barrels, so be it, as the regurgitated bile simply added yet another element of gusto to what in several months would notwithstanding be a pickle of perfection. Decades passed, and as overland trade routes became more direct, the delightful dill pickles spread throughout Europe, rousing the taste buds of young and old alike. Yet records indicate that it was the French, who were the same culinary posers then as they are today, mockingly changed the moniker of The Pickle Masters to the derogatory Pickleheads. “Call us what you will”, proclaimed Gustave Heidle lV, who had followed in the pickling footsteps of his great ancestor. “Those Froggies don’t even know how many warts a perfect pickle should have (by the way, the answer is seven warts per square inch). They are a malodorous people who know precious little about bathing, let alone pickles”. By
the 1900’s, the skilled and seasoned descendants of this
elite fraternal order had migrated to the land of opportunity…
the United States. Known as the Brotherhood Of Pickleheads, they
now proudly embraced the name of their camaraderie. Most
Americans had never experienced the pleasure of the pickle
before, and The Pickleheads found an entirely new and Alas, the popularity of the pickle ironically led to decline of The Brotherhood Of Pickleheads. Giant corporations began offering massive sums of money to buy out and gobble up the smaller Mom and Picklehead operations, lock, stock and pickle barrel. Although many of the order resisted at first, they were outnumbered by many more Pickleheads who were dazzled by visions of wealth, women and an endless supply of beer. In no time, The Brotherhood Of Pickleheads numbers had plummeted. Several local chapters of The Brotherhood still exist, scattered across the country. The Wisconsin chapter currently has three members, while the Indiana chapter has only two, although they are in the process of organizing a vigorous recruiting campaign. The largest chapter, of which I am a member, is here in the Los Angeles area. Besides myself, there are Pickleheads Gary, Bill and Jim, the Picklehead Bobs (Sick Bob, Florida Bob and Disappearing Bob), and finally the President of our chapter, Picklehead T-Bone. Although none of us are in the pickle business, we stand tall and united in our Picklehead heritage. We hold our own yearly convention in Las Vegas, and communicate via email on a variety of pickle and non-pickle related issues (a sample of some Picklehead correspondence is included below). In closing, I hope that I have helped to enlighten you on this extraordinary piece of history and culture. And the next time you bite into a Big Mac, I sincerely hope that you look toward the heavens to Gustave, Hans and Adolph, and say, “Thank you for sticking your pickles in my mouth”.
------------------------------------------------ Picklehead Chat 1)
Taxi:
2)
Taxi:
3)
Taxi:
4) Taxi:
5) |
ing
to the few records that still remain, span the past 300 years.
Although the Masons, started by the stone masons who built the
castles and cathedrals in the middle ages, continues to thrive,
and can boast members such as Benjamin Franklin and George
Washington, the accomplishments of the Brotherhood Of
Pickleheads can not, and will not, despite their dwindling
numbers, ever be forgotten. I am myself a direct descendent of
one of the original Pickleheads, and I gladly and proudly will
continue to make it my life’s goal to spread the saga of the
Pickleheads, and how they to this day affect our lives…
enthusiastic market for their product. It wasn’t long before
pickle barrels could be found in virtually every local store,
and “A Nickel A Pickle” became such a popular slogan that an
issue of the Kansas City Gazette once printed a banner headline
proclaiming, “Pickle Mania Sweeps Nation”. Pickle mania indeed,
as forty percent of all pickles produced in the U.S. during
World War II were used to feed our dill hungry Armed Forces. The
pickle had become so embraced by Americans, that it even
inspired a dance craze. It was not uncommon in 1940’s to spot
teenagers across the U.S. the dancing The Jitterbug, and cutting
a rug to the The Pickle-Puss.
